Secular Christmas

“Secular Christmas”

They say there’s a war on Christmas
That you can’t even speak its name;
Well, I don’t think anything has changed,
Because for me, it’s still the same:

There’ll be Santas, there’ll be reindeer
But religion, we’ll not feign, dear
At our secular Christmas at home

We’ll buy presents, we’ll spend moolah
But we won’t shout, “Hallelujah”
At our secular Christmas at home

We’ll have pagan mistletoe
Set the yule log all a-glow
Put up a pine tree like the Vikings
Did of old;

But please don’t go ballistic
If I don’t get all monotheistic
You know that normativity always
Leaves me cold

Invite the Muslims, and Reform Jews,
Agnostic Buddhists, Sikhs, and Hindus
To our secular Christmas house party-time

There’ll be wine, there’ll be cheeses
But there’ll be no Baby Jesus
At our secular Christmas party-time

Feel free to go to midnight Mass
As for me, I think I’ll take a pass
I’m not interested in all that ancient Bible stuff

When it comes to the supernatural
I’ll tell the kiddies that Santa’s factual
I think that one omniscient bearded guy is quite enough

No need for preachy Sunday sermons
We’ve got martinis mixed with bourbon
At our secular Christmas party-time

We’ll be radical left-wing elitists
We’ll hate America, and be defeatist
At our secular Christmas party-time
At our secular Christmas —
How I celebrate is none of your business —
At our secular Christmas at home

Have a secular time!

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