Summarizing the Unsummarizable

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Mr. Ontology and I recently came across this tidbit of music press:

21-year-old pop singer-songwriter [so-and-so] finds inspiration from strong female vocalists, like Kelly Clarkson, Colbie Caillat, and Carrie Underwood. Her uplifting, empowering songs draw from her own life experiences, and the singer said she hopes to “make others feel good about themselves.”

We here at The Consensus Bureau identify strongly with this summary, and wish to offer our own version of the above:

The Consensus Bureau finds inspiration from strong non-anthropomorphic vocalists, like the dishwasher and police sirens. The CB’s odd, baffling songs draw from the band members’ own near-death experiences, and the band says it hopes to “make others feel awkward, guilty, and somewhat nervous.”

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